That halts Jane's words right there, and settles in, and curls up like something warm in her chest. She presses her mouth closed and lowers her head a bit, still...very embarrassed, but...also a little relieved. There's a stinging in her eyes that could almost be tears, almost.]
...You couldn't. I swear. No one can replace my Dad. No one could ever be the person he was for me growing up, no one could ever, ever fill in his place in my heart. They can't. He taught me so much, Xander, how to tell jokes and how to take care of myself, and how to behave and how to be proud of what you can do...[She shakes her head.] No one can take that away from me. But he's gone.
[Her voice cracks a little on that last word, and she takes a moment to breathe and collect herself. She doesn't know how or when, but he simply couldn't survive whatever happened after Jane's death. Surely the plans of the Batterwitch had collapsed, surely she lashed out on whatever or whoever was left. As far as Jane knows, Dad Crocker is dead, and could have very well been for a long time.]
He's gone. And...he's not coming back. But that doesn't mean I still don't...need family. And friends, and...people I know I can depend on. And they're gone, at home, but here? Against all odds, I have that, and I'm so grateful for it. Every day, I'm just...[She pauses again, wiping her eyes just in case. Jane's not crying, but her eyes are wet enough.] And I can't...I can't help it, you know? I keep thinking of us as a family. And...and the others as like, extended...family?
[Us: the survivors who escaped in Temerity. The others: the survivors of the IGS Fantasy Suite, and, in time, the people trapped in Starfield Penitentiary. It's easy to figure out.]
And I guess...what I'm saying is...I still need that...Dad-ness in my life, or whatever it's called. Someone who I know I can always come home to, and w-who looks out for me, and can just...scoop me up and away to help, you know? And you keep doing that...a-and when you were all captured, I-I got so scared, on top of my nerves snapping and how utterly screwed the whole thing was, and I didn't know...I didn't know if I'd lose you, too, locked up in some cell I couldn't reach and...
[She's starting to lose the thread of what she means, her memories kicking up taunting text in lime green about capture and torture and five months of being in the Empress's clutches and what would she do if any of them had died for real? What would she say to Light when (not if, when) they saved the others and she asked where Xander was?]
Y-You're...irreplaceable. And so's he. Okay? And I know...h-he wouldn't be offended or hurt by it. He'd just...be proud, that s-someone meant that much to me. [A brief huff of breath, somewhat choked.] Sorry, this...sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?
no subject
That halts Jane's words right there, and settles in, and curls up like something warm in her chest. She presses her mouth closed and lowers her head a bit, still...very embarrassed, but...also a little relieved. There's a stinging in her eyes that could almost be tears, almost.]
...You couldn't. I swear. No one can replace my Dad. No one could ever be the person he was for me growing up, no one could ever, ever fill in his place in my heart. They can't. He taught me so much, Xander, how to tell jokes and how to take care of myself, and how to behave and how to be proud of what you can do...[She shakes her head.] No one can take that away from me. But he's gone.
[Her voice cracks a little on that last word, and she takes a moment to breathe and collect herself. She doesn't know how or when, but he simply couldn't survive whatever happened after Jane's death. Surely the plans of the Batterwitch had collapsed, surely she lashed out on whatever or whoever was left. As far as Jane knows, Dad Crocker is dead, and could have very well been for a long time.]
He's gone. And...he's not coming back. But that doesn't mean I still don't...need family. And friends, and...people I know I can depend on. And they're gone, at home, but here? Against all odds, I have that, and I'm so grateful for it. Every day, I'm just...[She pauses again, wiping her eyes just in case. Jane's not crying, but her eyes are wet enough.] And I can't...I can't help it, you know? I keep thinking of us as a family. And...and the others as like, extended...family?
[Us: the survivors who escaped in Temerity. The others: the survivors of the IGS Fantasy Suite, and, in time, the people trapped in Starfield Penitentiary. It's easy to figure out.]
And I guess...what I'm saying is...I still need that...Dad-ness in my life, or whatever it's called. Someone who I know I can always come home to, and w-who looks out for me, and can just...scoop me up and away to help, you know? And you keep doing that...a-and when you were all captured, I-I got so scared, on top of my nerves snapping and how utterly screwed the whole thing was, and I didn't know...I didn't know if I'd lose you, too, locked up in some cell I couldn't reach and...
[She's starting to lose the thread of what she means, her memories kicking up taunting text in lime green about capture and torture and five months of being in the Empress's clutches and what would she do if any of them had died for real? What would she say to Light when (not if, when) they saved the others and she asked where Xander was?]
Y-You're...irreplaceable. And so's he. Okay? And I know...h-he wouldn't be offended or hurt by it. He'd just...be proud, that s-someone meant that much to me. [A brief huff of breath, somewhat choked.] Sorry, this...sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?