livestudioaudience | Viewing Party 2

[Jane looks into his eyes, then - looks hard, and doesn't turn away, because those eyes on hers and the hands on her shoulder ground her in the moment. In the now. Because he's right - what's done is done, what they're seeing is in the past. Whatever comes will come, and the deaths that have been dealt are ones they cannot reverse, not today. Guy Fieri or Blaze Dudely or whoever will meet his end one way or another, by his own hubris or at the end of Siegfried. Right now? Right now, she's safe. She's okay. She'll be okay.]

...Okay. [She breathes in, out. Grips her hands together in her lap.] Okay.

Okay.

[He just sits with her, breathing deep and steady so she has something to mimic. After a bit:]

Would you like to go outside? The weather is fine today, with a good wind.

[He knows seeing the sky and the grass always helps him, now]

[And she does - she does because it's something to focus on. Something that keeps her here, and not in her head. At Xander's offer, Jane nods, trying to manage a smile.]

Y-Yeah. Outside...sounds nice.

[and outside they go! There's plants to tend and sunlight to enjoy, after all.

After some time, whn they both have let their nerves settle]

There is... something I feel we need to discuss.

Edited 2017-08-24 05:20 (UTC)

[Outside is, overall, a damn nice place to be. The sound of wind rustling leaves and the feeling of warm sunlight is something Jane still can't take for granted, in a good way. It's renewed itself, in its long absence from her life.]

Oh...sure. Is something wrong?

Wrong isn't the right word.

[He digs his fingers into the dirt around the plants he was weeding, anchoring himself]

You mentioned, near the end of our season, that I reminded you of your father. That you felt he would approve of me.

[He glances up, hoping she would fill in the rest without him having to confront her directly with something he was sure would embarrass her.]

Okay...

[She listens, having gone still with attention - and it takes her a moment, after nodding to confirm what he'd said, that she starts to catch on. Thankfully, the embarrassment is contained to a sudden flush of her cheeks.]

Oh - sugar, I...I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I just...I'm sorry, Xander, it sort of came out, I...

[She'd called him Dad just now, sort of, and for SURE when they rescued everyone out of prison. And she'd meant it.]

...I just...it felt like...God, it's so stupid of me, I'm so incredibly dumb...

You didn't make me uncomfortable, Jane. If anything I'm a bit touched... though it's not exactly something someone that's not even 30 yet wants to hear from someone your age.

[Joke? Maybe]

It's more... I wouldn't want to replace him.

Edited 2017-08-24 19:42 (UTC)

[If anything I'm a bit touched

That halts Jane's words right there, and settles in, and curls up like something warm in her chest. She presses her mouth closed and lowers her head a bit, still...very embarrassed, but...also a little relieved. There's a stinging in her eyes that could almost be tears, almost.]

...You couldn't. I swear. No one can replace my Dad. No one could ever be the person he was for me growing up, no one could ever, ever fill in his place in my heart. They can't. He taught me so much, Xander, how to tell jokes and how to take care of myself, and how to behave and how to be proud of what you can do...[She shakes her head.] No one can take that away from me. But he's gone.

[Her voice cracks a little on that last word, and she takes a moment to breathe and collect herself. She doesn't know how or when, but he simply couldn't survive whatever happened after Jane's death. Surely the plans of the Batterwitch had collapsed, surely she lashed out on whatever or whoever was left. As far as Jane knows, Dad Crocker is dead, and could have very well been for a long time.]

He's gone. And...he's not coming back. But that doesn't mean I still don't...need family. And friends, and...people I know I can depend on. And they're gone, at home, but here? Against all odds, I have that, and I'm so grateful for it. Every day, I'm just...[She pauses again, wiping her eyes just in case. Jane's not crying, but her eyes are wet enough.] And I can't...I can't help it, you know? I keep thinking of us as a family. And...and the others as like, extended...family?

[Us: the survivors who escaped in Temerity. The others: the survivors of the IGS Fantasy Suite, and, in time, the people trapped in Starfield Penitentiary. It's easy to figure out.]

And I guess...what I'm saying is...I still need that...Dad-ness in my life, or whatever it's called. Someone who I know I can always come home to, and w-who looks out for me, and can just...scoop me up and away to help, you know? And you keep doing that...a-and when you were all captured, I-I got so scared, on top of my nerves snapping and how utterly screwed the whole thing was, and I didn't know...I didn't know if I'd lose you, too, locked up in some cell I couldn't reach and...

[She's starting to lose the thread of what she means, her memories kicking up taunting text in lime green about capture and torture and five months of being in the Empress's clutches and what would she do if any of them had died for real? What would she say to Light when (not if, when) they saved the others and she asked where Xander was?]

Y-You're...irreplaceable. And so's he. Okay? And I know...h-he wouldn't be offended or hurt by it. He'd just...be proud, that s-someone meant that much to me. [A brief huff of breath, somewhat choked.] Sorry, this...sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?

[He listens quietly, his eyes prickling. He remembered his own father, before he was.... well. Before he was the Dread King Garon, when he was his father first. Flawed. Maybe even evil. But his father who he loved and who he knew loved him in return.

He had been dead for a long time. Long before Corrin went to confront him. He understands.]

It's not ridiculous at all. I... made many mistakes, with my family. I kept them at length, hoping it would keep them safe from the dangers my future kingship would put on them. I know now that... that was foolish. And it cost Elise her life, since I was unwilling to let her into my heart.

[He hasn't said her name since his trial, unable to bring himself to do so. And while the prickling in his eyes is spilling over, it's... lacking the crushing manic agony it had back then. Grief, of course, but acceptance. Healing]

You are... of similar age to her.

[He had been Elise's father in many ways. Garon had already been long gone in everything but body by then. Her mother dead, raised by wetnurses and her two eldest siblings trying to be parents before they were even teenagers. In a way their family had been just as patched together and ramshackle as theirs' were now.]

I would... never think to replace her, or my other siblings. But I can learn from the mistakes I made with them. If you would have me... I would very much like to be your family.

[There's a soft hitch in Jane's breath at the name, at the...information Xander chose to share. Such a simple thing, a name and an observation, but it seemed, to her, that it held incredible weight. She can't help herself when she reaches out, tries to brush some of Xander's tears from his cheeks - it's okay, she wants to say, it's okay to cry. We're both crying and it's perfectly fine.]

I-I wouldn't want you to...to replace them, Xander. Not with me, not with anybody. A-And you never even had to ask...!

[They are all already family, even the most begrudging of them, in Jane's heart. But only Xander gets to be her Dad in this strange, new life. She quickly comes in and gives him a hug, tight and warm.]

I would be honored to be part of your family.

[Hugs are good. He kisses the top of her head]

I love you very much, Jane. If nothing else, remember that.

[he won't make the same mistakes in not letting others know until it's too late. Never again]

I won't forget it - I love you too, Xander, a whole lot...[She fits her head in the crook of his neck, cheek resting on his shoulder.] I love you...Dad.

Viewing Party 2 - R3: THE RE-CRY-ENING

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