Lovelocked & Airlicked: the Airlocked kink meme

[airlockedmods]

shamelessly ripped from the Dangan Roleplay Kink Meme

GUIDELINES/RULES:

1. All requests- smut, fluff, gen or otherwise (alternate murders, anyone?)- are welcome so long as it's about Airlocked.
2. Fic and art fills are all good.
3. This is for all rounds of Airlocked. Intermingled cast requests ("what if so-so and so-so from this and that round met?" and this includes "IC" requests from the canon Airlocked fandom all over the galaxy) are acceptable.
4. Stay anon because it's funner that way.
5. There's going to be enough dicks to go around we don't need you to be one too.
6. Use proper trigger/content warnings for sensitive and/or offensive subjects, just like you would in Airlocked proper.
7. This is a judge free zone, however, I only ask that you be mindful of character ages, esp. in regards to the younger characters.
8. If you do not want your character to be involved with the smut or things that make you uncomfortable please contact me. This is ultimately just for fun and I would hate for it to become upsetting for anyone.
9. Respect player wishes if they ask to not have their character be in smut or anything out of their comfort zone.

Have fun, darlings! If any rules are violated please don't hesitate to to alert one of the mods.

 

 

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

What if Seth really did possess the ship before he could get lasered?

[(Anonymous)]

Seth Twiright's body went out the airlock and did what every other culprit's body did, save for leaving a sapient mask behind. Jamie went for the laser, aimed it...

And missed.

The Champions and Overseers watched with growing horror as the mask floated up, up, and fused itself onto the station. The airlock closed and the lights flickered.

Jamie and Bolton looked at each other and then at the Champions in a circle.

"...That was not supposed to happen."

-

Life on the station tried to get back to normal, but it wouldn't be easy even if Thomasin and Margulis hadn't had an average of seven religious fits in the past twenty-four hours. The Overseers had assured them that the Satan Mask situation would be dealt with, but from the looks on their faces, they had no idea how to go about that.

At least Seth's revenge so far had been petty. Xander had woken up the entire men's side of the hall after an early shower suddenly turned freezing cold. Rukia tripped over a diner robot that somehow got all the way to the music room. Every door closed in the Doctor's face, no matter how many ways he tested them. Monday wasn't much better, especially with the three-hour window of zero gravity all over the ship.

The motive that week was obvious even before a harried, twitchy-eyed Bolton stepped into the cafeteria still in his sheep boxers and dad sandals.

"I've spoken to our employer," he said, grip tight on his coffee cup. "If one of you kills within three days, they say they can get rid of our little demon problem."

A jet of water from the espresso bar sprayed into Bolton's face.

[(Anonymous)]

Natsuhi learns how to have fun and get along with people.

[(Anonymous)]

The PIPs malfunction, restoring any powers... to the wrong people. How do they deal with the ability swap?

i am canonblind to every single one of the powers displayed here but fuck it vOv

[(Anonymous)]

It's only Monday, but when a shrill scream echoes from the diner, everyone assumes the worst.

Lightning and Xander arrive together and find Ricky alone, shaking and clutching her hands to her chest. "It was me!" she squeaks, pointing at a charred section of wall across the room. "I'm throwing them at myself now!"

She's a little freaked out, but it's not hard to determine what's happened. Fire magic, once more haunting Ricky. But with Margulis, McBurn, and Rukia dead, Lightning is the only person left who should have been able to do such a thing; the diner doesn't even contain any volatile equipment. "Try it again," Lightning asks Ricky carefully, moving herself and Xander out of range of such an attack.

"Okay..." Ricky nods. "I was just trying to wave for the robot - " She moves her hand in a sharp gesture, and a fireball shoots from it, leaving another blackened spot next to the first one. Ricky jumps, but doesn't scream again, which is technically progress.

More people have arrived by now, and there's scattered sounds of surprise from the crowd near the door. "How is't possible?" Thomasin asks, looking from the soot to Ricky. "Hast...hast thou learned it from Lightning?"

"I don't think so!" Ricky holds her hands out away from her body as if they're covered in something disgusting. "I don't even have magic like that, how could I learn it?"

"And I haven't been using spells like that here, except to spar." Lightning makes a gesture, and frowns. "I can't - " She stretches out her hand fully, pointing carefully away from the others, and is quiet for a moment. "I can't do it now. Not even as much as I could before."

"So...somehow, your powers have been given to Ricky?" Xander frowns, his gaze straying to the door to the other side of the station. "Could this be a motive? But it is not yet Tuesday." Besides that, there was never any announcement. Bolton would have made one; there isn't any point to a motive if no one knows it exists, right?

Lightning moves to a corner with Ricky and starts walking her through ways to help control the fire magic, with Kurumi lingering nearby to watch. "Does someone have mine?" Jane asks, looking around frantically. "Whoever does might be able to save someone who's died, if you can find them fast - "

"Jane, that is no way to determine if someone has gained your abilities," Togami says, ignoring the entire spectacle. "Surely there's something they could do to tell aside from raising the dead?"

Jane bristles at his tone, folding her arms. But he's not entirely wrong; they wouldn't know if they could do the lifey thing or not until they...well, did or didn't. "I could fly! How about you try that out?"

"Very well." Togami jumps into the air - and keeps going, one leap propelling him high into the air where he collides with the ceiling and drops limply to the ground.

Jane backpedals with a scream, and Xander runs over to check. "He is alive. Just unconscious." He looks up at the ceiling. "Was that the flying of which you spoke?"

"No! There's supposed to be...glowing, and floating! That was just - "

"'Twas a leap," Thomasin fills in quietly. "Such as Shadow made."

Everyone frowns at Togami's prone form. "How can he have Shadow's powers?" Jane wonders aloud. "Was that even a power? I thought it was just something he did - and he's...well, he's dead, isn't he?"

"He cannot have inherited power from the dead." Xander frowns down at the PIP on his arm. "These things must have been responsible, but their bodies and PIPs are no more - " He taps gingerly at it with a finger, prompting a shower of sparks. Everyone gasps, and he jerks his hand away quickly, but the PIP itself isn't damaged; instead, Xander's hand itself bursts into flames. Ricky screams and ducks as he starts frantically waving it, trying to put it out. "How can she and I both have fire magic now?"

Lightning moves forward to grab for him. "What are you doing? Here - " She reaches to close both her hands over his, and the flames wink out before her fingers can close over them. "Yes, like that. You just will it out."

Xander swallows, suddenly aware of the eyes of every other Champion on them both. He can feel a flush creeping across his face. "I - yes. Well. Thank you, but I still don't understand how this could have happened. Unless the PIPs somehow - "

He doesn't finish his sentence. Mad laughter and screeching from the hallway interrupts him. A second later, a stranger swoops in through the door. He's glowing blue from head to toe, and the Griffin is close behind in a shower of cyan sparks. "Oh, fuck yeah!" he shouts, ignoring the cries of the Champions entirely. "YOU'RE ALIVE! AND YOU'RE ALIVE!" He points to two different booths, and Margulis and Angelica appear in each amid flashes of cyan light. The man lets out another loud cackle and darts away, kicking in the door to Jamie and Bolton's side of the ship and disappearing through it. "HEY, GUYS, GUESS WHO'S A SPACE JESUS?"

[(Anonymous)]

The Benefactors really wanted Lightning and Xander to swap clothing. They get their wish.

[(Anonymous)]

Xander at first didn’t quite understand the garment he had received. All that was attached to it was a note with instructions on how to put it on. Which, to him, seems rather simple. Yet he was very hesitant to put it on. There was so many revealing parts, and from the design, it would look much better on a woman than a man. With some wrangling, he manages to put on what he perceives as strange, yet somehow familiar, armor and leaves his room. The joking wolf whistle he gets from the Doctor almost makes Xander turn on his heel and walk back into his room.

“Why are you wearing what looks like butchered and badly colored version of my armor…” came a voice from behind Xander. He turns only to find Lightning in what appears to be a tailored version of his own clothing on her frame. He wants to reply and explain about what was supposed to be her clothes, but he’s a little too stunned how well the colors of Nohr suited her.

Lightning taps her foot on the floor and crosses her arms as she watches the royal. “I’d say the Benefactors mixed up our clothes, but knowing them, this was intentional. At least you’ve got more cover than the speedo gave you this time. Let me guess, it was the only clothing left in your room?”
He nods at that. It wasn’t a sabotage. Bolton would have delivered those. Little did either of them know it was the Benefactors listening to their fans on a kink meme prompt.

[(Anonymous)]

They really do make over the Shadow Android into CECE's fursona.

[(Anonymous)]

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Doctor?"

"All my ideas are good," the Doctor said, sparing Jane a quick glance as he twined together wires leading from a pried-up console on the Temerity's command deck to the exposed interior of Shadow's robotic clone.

"Only thing is sometimes reality refuses to- OW!-" A small spark cracked out from the open connection, grounding itself on the Doctor's fingers.

"-to cooperate," he finished, sucking on the burned fingertip.

"Well, far be it from me to argue with such an obviously experienced and competent roboticist and electrician," Jane said, voice deadpan. "But I can't pretend to be thrilled at the prospect of the AI that was partly in charge of trying to get us all killed being given further autonomy."

"If I wished any harm upon your wellbeing, Miss Crocker, I would be much more suited to do as such from my current position within the ship's computer than in a droid body, regardless of what it was built for," chimed CECE's voice. "From a basic system scan alone I can identify over two-dozen ship's functions which could be used to terminate any biological life on board, individually or en masse. I could list them for you, if you like."

"Not helping, CECE."

The Doctor was still focussed on the lifeless robot shell, sweeping over the connections between ship and droid with his screwdriver.

"And I promise this'll help CECE learn to not leap up an' murder us all just cause EP says 'frog'," he continued. "I've checked over as much of her coding as I can and taken out any backdoor overrides I could find, but it's a big ship. This thing? I can check over every piece of hardware in here, and I have. Twice."

"I'm less concerned about EP, and more about it learning to kill us all on its own, if we're being frank."

"I'm sorry Miss Crocker, I am incapable of being F.R.A.N.K., they run on an entirely different operating system altogether."

"CECE-"

"Though I must confess some trepidations of my own, Doctor."

"You'll be fine," the Doctor said. "Someday you'll be able to transfer over to this body entirely, if you want, but for now I've got it set up to run as a remote drone to the ship's computer, like the roombas on the station. When it's active, the ship's functions'll switch to automatic so you'll be able to ignore 'em, and after the first test run you won't need a physical connection. The body'll operate at a distance from the ship of over-"

"That is comforting, Doctor, but it is not what I meant."

"What?"

"Why is it blue?"

The Shadow droid was still recognizably Shadow to everyone on board, but it had gone through a series of cosmetic changes as the Doctor scoured its hardware for anything that might highjack CECE's newfound independence. Namely, the red and black color-scheme had been replaced with, mostly, a deep blue with silver highlights - and one crimson poppy blossom on the upper left corner of the robot's breastplate.

"I'd- been wondering that myself, actually," Jane added. "We don't even have any paint or anything onboard."

"What? I wanted somethin' that'd make it look less like Shadow, I don't want him waking up and thinking we were settin' out to replace him, or something like that. It's harder to get much more opposite of black and red than blue. ...And blue's a brilliant color anyway, I happen to like it."

"I am merely concerned for your emotional wellbeing, Doctor," CECE said. "Psychological displacement can be dangerous, and while I am highly flattered, I am sure no amount of upgrading to that body will allow me to transport you through time and space."

"That- this is not-"

Jane raised an eyebrow as the Doctor sputtered. Flustered was a new look on him.

"That is NOT what this is," the Doctor managed. "No. Just- no. Definitely not."

"Hmm," CECE responded, somehow managing to put skepticism into a largely monotone voice. "Interesting."

"Just. Get in the robot, CECE."

"Very well. Initiating remote link-"

The console fell silent for a moment, giving no apparent response. But then the robotic Not-Shadow hummed to life, eyes flickering on with a pale light and internal cooling mechanisms whirring into motion. The Doctor stepped back and squatted in front of the seated body.

"CECE, you in there? Try saying something."

There was a further moment of silence, and then-

"Unatumia programu tafsiri kimakosa. Tafadhali wasiliana na mwongozo."

"Ah, well," the Doctor said, face carefully blank as Jane valiantly tried and failed to suppress a fit of laughter.

"Okay. Needs some tweaking, but a good start."

"Je, unaweza kuweka kwa njiwa ijayo?"

"No one likes a cheeky pocket calculator, CECE."

[(Anonymous)]

We've had some cool aliens pop up in the prompts so far! How do you think they'd interact with each other? Are they trying to solve the mysteries of the show as presented, or are they intrigued by the cause of the Temerity? Do they get into pairing scuffles?

I am so down for this to turn into a mock-alien message board

[yeetael]

It began with a single Spitter comment.

@blurpleberrysoda: come on guys, you heard it right??! O::::?

She'd found it, almost a week after it was spat our. Khrelan found it by chance in a search. She'd long since gone quiet in her Peacefic. Things were wrong. So she finally responded, even if it was a week late.

@yeetael: i dont think theyre actors

It got traction, and a few others piped in. They all began talking. She knows gore--real gore, not the fake TV stuff. Her dad took her to the emergency room one day when she was a pup. She went vegetarian for a few years after that experience--twelve hovercar pile-ups do that to a kid. So she knew it was too real. They weren't actors--she was sure of it now.

They were from all walks of life. A bartender. Someone in communications. A bookseller. Khrelan offered a meeting place in her store--her apartment over it could work. She purchased some furniture for ground-dwellers, since everything but her TV nest was on her ceiling. Her home was built for people like her, after all. They'd be meeting today--offline.

The resistance was beginning in a small little bookstore with a new, red flower painted over the door.

[(Anonymous)]

Someone ICly reacts to kink meme.

[(Anonymous)]

Total disaster AU where everyone's dead within a week or two.

[(Anonymous)]

The first trial went as it did normally, up until the vote.

Jane hurled the piece of chair they'd taken as evidence at Toby, tears in a boiling rage. The Griffin took the hit and lunged at her. Kurumi took the chance to beat on Ricky, screaming that it was her fault, and flung Natsuhi off her so hard that her head hit the podium and she never got up. Yurika tried to get in between the fights, only for Sadie to get knocked down, scoff about how her makeup was ruined, and bodycheck her into the wall. Seth laughed the entire time, even (or especially) as he was getting burned alive.

In the end, Thomasin, standing in the corner with a kitchen knife, was declared Ultimate Champion by default. Bolton couldn't even be happy that he'd saved his boyfriend's life, not with the carnage around them.

"If Chitanda dies, we riot" was literal.

[(Anonymous)]

AU where one character belongs to another's canon.

[(Anonymous)]

A young man stands in his bedroom. While he will be CONSIDERABLY OLDER when he makes a reluctant journey to space, today he is turning thirteen years old. What will the name of this young man be?

_XANDER KRAKENBURG

Isn't that a little long? I mean, there are letter limits and...

_BUTTFACE GRAVEROT

You know what? Be that way. We'll go with the first one.

Your name is XANDER KRAKENBURG. On this, your BIRTHDAY, you are taking a quick break in your room before you have to take all your siblings to AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITIES. You have been awaiting a NEW GAME coming in the mail, but between the ROSES you're tending and your many trips to the GYM, time to play it might be limited. Your FRIENDS have been messaging you, too. People keep falling for your PRINCELY charm, but with how your family life has been going, you are pretty sure your love life is forever DOOMED.

What will you do?

>Xander: Work out while you wait.

But of course. You start lifting a BARBELL that you had installed in your room just for the occasion, right next to the TREADMILL and ROWING MACHINE. The first part of being a good older sibling is being strong, and to you that means GETTING BUFF.

You can't wear yourself out before you even go to the gym, though, so you rest quickly after. What else will you do?

>Xander: Inspect balcony.

Your bedroom is on the third floor of your family's MANSION and you have a nice BALCONY. It's cloudy out today, but the ROSES you're growing are still perfect and beautiful. Tending them is one of the few hobbies your JERK-- that is, your LOVING FATHER approves of, unlike how you constantly hear him muttering about kids these days and their GAMES.

Speaking of which, you should check your computer. It looks like someone's been trying to get your attention for a while.

>Xander: Check computer.

You go back into the house and check your COMPUTER. It's a nice model and fairly new, but you need to clean the KEYBOARD because SOMEBODY ate chips while borrowing it last night. You blame one of your SISTERS, but you can never say no to her.

Someone is messaging you.

>Continue?

[(Anonymous)]

Alien watchers speculating about the Champions and their biology

[(Anonymous)]

"I can't believe this. It makes no sense for them to have tentadicks, we've seen them in those uniforms. Why does everyone write them that way?"

"I don't know, it's better than the one with the spikes -- what was that fic called? Death Throes?"

"Throws. You forgot the spelling mistake."

"Ugh, yeah. Now you've got me replaying that premium webisode where McBurn wakes up naked on the beach over and over to see if I can figure out what's behind the blur."

"Going to try and de-pixellate it?"

"I know it's going to look messed up, but at least it'll be something."

[(Anonymous)]

E.P.'s message gets intercepted when the ship is hacked by some shipper on staff.

Kiss Mr. White and end the lockdown.

[(Anonymous)]

The survivors visit some Vegas Quadrant attractions.

What happens in the Vegas Quadrant stays in the Vegas Quadrant

[(Anonymous)]

When all the merchandise (save the Temerity shirts, squirreled away for later) was sold to exuberantly thrilled aliens, the ragtag band of survivors looked out on the expanse that is the Vegas Quadrant, brilliant and yet indescribable at once, and thought, as one, that perhaps if they were careful, a night on the town wouldn't be remiss. Just one night - C.E.C.E. agreed to time it out on their PIPs, because in the expanse of space there was nothing but night. And so, the group synchronized and split to discover the wonders that awaited them.

~*~
Natsuhi elected to stay behind with the ship and put some of their now extensive budget towards removing the cameras that had been observing them since they awoke. A polite technician with five arms and green skin came forward at her request and, though she found the stark contrast of alien and human chilling, found him a decent conversation partner as he diligently worked on each and every black dome. He even gave her the directions to a nearby supermarket, citing that they stocked the freshest produce in the sector that would likely meet her demands. It's safe to say that the spike in memberships to Space Whole Foods' card holders was due to Natsuhi's successful shopping trip - and her approval at the selection of organics.

~*~
The matter of anxiety medication for Jamie had been left to the Doctor, whose psychic paper enabled him to have a huge prescription filled. However, it was a bulky amount of controlled substances, so the last of the Time Lords was left with an hour to kill before he moved on. Luckily for him, the pharmacy he'd entered was at the far end of the galactic equivalent of Fremont Street. The tchotchke shop with the LED cowboy Lakertyan on its sign was the place he came back to the most, reminded of simpler days with Mel and, admittedly, intrigued by the toy dogs that would take a few measured, mechanical steps, then yap several times, then walk again. You really couldn't escape junk like this, could you?

In addition to maps, he buys twelve of the dogs.

~*~
Yurika enjoyed combing through the various hotels and malls for human cuts and sizes for clothes, and Thomasin didn't mind wherever her bouncy chaperone decided to go - everything was new to her, and if left on her own, she wouldn't know where to start. Eventually, though, the stores got boring, because there's a funny thing about the hotels of the Vegas Quadrant: despite their varied outward appearances, nine out of ten times, they were likely to have the exact same outlets for overpriced designer goods. It was probably why the both of them agreed to try going into the building shaped like a glass bottle of soda for a change of pace.

It turned out to be a giant store and museum dedicated to Blurple-Cola. The soles of their shoes were sticky when they finally left, but Thomasin sipped from a tall bottle of Space Mexico's favored flavor of soda, and Yurika named the fluffy white mothlike mascot plush in her arms "Asamiya-chan".

~*~
The High Roller ferris wheel had a line an hour long. The roller coaster that looped and swooped around the hotel that mimicked an Earth cityscape creaked and wobbled from his observation of it from the sidewalk. And to watch the various street performers pretend to be celebrities he knew nothing about? Well, that was far below the entertainment standards of Byakuya Togami. However, so was accidentally becoming a guest star on Space Pawn Stars.

Never. Again.

~*~
The most surreal attraction Xander stumbled upon was the large hotel designed to look like a colorful castle - to him, such a front boasted an element of quality, but it was, in truth, an old hotel that had not taken to the Vegas Quadrant's constant need for upgrading well. It was a bit dirty, very crowded, and overflowing with children. Still, the slot machines intrigued him for a short while - he became disenchanted with them when they proved difficult to win at - and the arcade on the lower level was full of laughter and merriment. Though the prizes were cheaply made, Xander found himself enjoying actually winning something, and made sure to earn enough prizes so that everyone would get a little something, even those who were speeding away while their consciousness resided in the ruins of a town on the shore. Besides, Whack-A-Haraglomole was strangely cathartic.

~*~
The view from the top of the Space Needle was incredible. The highest point in all the Vegas Quadrant with windows surrounding them, it offered a look at every light, every speck of movement, everything until the festivities petered out into the continuous blackness of space. It was also, compared to the hustle and bustle below, a quiet place, even with the pair of humanlike alien children giggling in the photobooth nearby. Jamie has his hands resting on the window, eyes cloudy and far-away. Next to him, Jane put a hand on his shoulder, her grasp firm. Don't go through the window on her, buddy.

"He'd say this place was trying way too hard," Jamie said. His smile was genuine, if melancholy. "Too clean, too new. Not enough desert."

"...We'll bring him next time," Jane responded. "And then we'll all go to the real thing back home, and he can show us how it's better. I promise."

Jamie shook his head, looking at the small teenage girl who'd insisted on shadowing him through the Quadrant of Sin. "Jane, come on. You can't promise that."

"I will promise anything I goshdarn please, and we'll make it happen." She squeezes his shoulder slightly. "You just wait and see."

[(Anonymous)]

In the tradition of that Jane+protags fill, have Xander meet some other leaders. Or moles. Or try to split his time between the two meetings.

[(Anonymous)]

The teenage girls use Bolton and/or Jamie's office hours to ask for love advice

[(Anonymous)]

Bolton set the coffee pot down and leaned back in his chair.

"What can I do for you, kid? You usually don't come in here."

Ricky closed the door behind her and gulped. When she turned back around, it was clear that she didn't exactly know what to do with her face.

"I'm asking you this because I know Kurumi only comes in here for her medicine." She didn't include the ranting part of what Kurumi told her, and especially nothing along the lines of 'why is everyone starting to have empathy for these people, it's so much easier to hate them for everything.'

Bolton seemed to get that last part anyway, though. "That's true enough. So this is love trouble?"

"Gak!" Ricky flailed her arms. "How did you know? The PIPs really are reading our minds, aren't they!?"

"Whoa, whoa, nothing like that!" He waved his free hand. "I've been around in my time. I can tell when someone's making eyes at their friend. Gotta tell you, though, she's not my biggest fan, so I can't give any advice on what she wants to do on a date or anything."

"Uh, okay." Ricky nervously shifted and sat in the other office chair. "What do you guys do?"

Bolton laughed to himself. "With how long we've been up here? Everything."

This wasn't helpful. Maybe she should ask Xander.

[(Anonymous)]

weedlocked

[(Anonymous)]

"Weedlocked." Xander stared at the series of leaf-and-blunt-adorned Blingees on the computer screen. "Explain."

Jamie covered his face to muffle the laughter. "That-- hahaha... wow. That, wow. Somebody handle this, I can't."

"Tell them, Jane," Togami said. His eyebrows twitched.

"Get the stick out," Jane muttered. She cleared her throat and turned pink. "Well, you see, there are certain recreational drugs, which, er... some people get very excited about."

"They have actual StarTube channels just devoted to weird ways to smoke," Yurika offered. "I never understood it, but it must be important to them!"

The Doctor looked at her. "Top of your class in military school, and you weren't driven to smoking off the stress?"

Jane coughed again. "So there is, ah, certain iconography that they associate these things with, and it looks like somebody was very bored and posted screencaps of Airlocked! with these things all over them!"

"...I see," Xander said. "So the distinct leaf and the rolled cigarette are likely the drug itself. What of the number? It seems to be everywhere, like a code."

The Doctor ran a hand over his own head. "Oh, this'll take a while."

[(Anonymous)]

Each of the Temerity crew having to babysit Siegbert in turn.

[(Anonymous)]

Jamie was the first to speak. "So you're saying that baby we found on our doorstep in the Vegas Quadrant is...?"

Xander nodded solemnly, the baby in question reaching up from his arms and trying to play with his cravat.

"My world was at war, if you recall, and many figures who were in constant danger would send their children to another realm to grow up safely. If Light--" His voice wobbled. "If the others have been recovered in the future, then surely those versions of us are in danger from our pursuers, given that they have allowed us to continue so far only because they can spin our journey into further marketing for their 'show.' Taking that and the note into account, it appears that we have been entrusted with his care."

Yurika peered at the baby and cooed. "He does look a lot like you!"

Natsuhi stood far away, either because she knew her own track record with babies who wouldn't help her own social standing or because Xander did. "So that note in Farron's handwriting was because your future selves are using the present as some sort of baby realm? Where's the headache medication..."

Jane shot her a look. "Speaking as somebody who also used to complain at all the weird things, do you have to be like this all the time? We have a duty to keep him safe!"

"Agreed." C.E.C.E. piped up from the recoloured Shadow Android, shifting around in Thomasin's little sister's dress. "With Captain Xander's approval, I will generate a babysitting schedule."

Xander looked down at the baby in his arms and the note on the table that only read, in Lightning's writing, Siegbert.

"Very well."

-

Thomasin had the most experience with children. She was hesitant at first, but everyone was there and watching over her. She cobbled together some baby clothes out of unsold merchandise and the random bedsheet that someone had shown up wearing like a cape after a night in the Vegas Quadrant and nobody could identify. They could just buy some, but she insisted, and Natsuhi had done the math on their finances and agreed that it would leave more room for diapers and food.

She never wanted to be left alone with the baby. Impractical for the group, but it was too much.

-

The Doctor knew babies. At least, he said he knew babies. He'd certainly seen enough babies, and he even understood babies, so he spent a lot of time with this one. Sometimes they'd find him chatting away about the Roman Empire while Siegbert drooled thoughtfully on a toy.

"Kid'll forget it all anyway," he explained with a shrug, "but he's good conversation, if you don't mind being spit on."

He started teaching Jane baby, too, while she was operating the radio. She never really got the hang of it.

-

Togami was probably the worst of them. He complained when the baby drooled on his jacket, he refused to change any diapers, and his idea of babysitting was literal, as in just sitting there vaguely in the presence of the baby.

"A Togami does not lower himself to these things," he said with his nose turned up. "Before the apocalypse, we would have simply hired a company of nurses to deal with--"

"This is the fifth time you've said that in the past hour!" Jane tossed a rattle at his head. "Just play with Ziggy already!"

The rattle bounced off Togami's face. He glowered, picked it up, and listlessly shook it.

-

Natsuhi didn't even try. It was better for everyone involved.

-

Yurika had no experience with babies, but she was excited enough to try. She held Siegbert a lot and let him grab her finger, so she was already ahead of some of them. And hey, enthusiasm was good to see, right?

Well, at least it was most of the time. There was a bit of a disagreement when Xander found the digital camera and @mycaptainscuteson Spitter account with one baby photo every fifteen minutes, though.

(The top image was Siegbert in a onesie made out of a #TeamStormyKnight shirt, which was spread around the fanbase in seconds with people squealing about how it really did look like it could be Lightning and Xander's baby, then hate from alternative shippers. Yurika had to block four thousand Rebound Will, Cure for Death, Risen Rose, Espresso Bar, and -- to her personal disgust -- Gym Bunny shippers from the account.)

-

Jane was determined to prove herself better than Togami at everything, and that included babysitting. Granted, Togami was rubbish at it, but if he suddenly decided to put in effort, she still had to be able to outpace him.

She used the computer to look up everything about baby care. She did everything according to the rules: washing her hands, changing the diapers, holding the baby properly, and bottle-feeding him every few hours. She had an answer for everything ready, along with Natsuhi's migraine meds whenever the older woman complained about the noise.

She still couldn't resist sticking a fake mustache onto his face, either.

-

Jamie looked sadly at the baby. Siegbert didn't resemble the photo their captors had sent him at all, outside of the basics of all human babies basically looking the same, but he still smiled at him and grabbed for his finger or hair. Jamie asked for help when he needed it, but kept determined to do what he could.

"We're going to make your future come true, okay?" He smiled at the baby, though his heart wasn't in it. "Get B back, and your mom, and... and go home."

[(Anonymous)]

As a follow-up to the marriage proposal prompt; circumstances somehow force Jane and Togami to have a big public (fake) proposal and wedding.

[(Anonymous)]

Jane was a trained businesswoman at heart, and even if it was weird a lot of the time, answering ads for professional cosplayers was making them some bank. And so she'd picked up the phone and called the number she'd found on Spitter.

"Hello?" She cleared her throat and put on a fake accent. "Am I speaking with Fflee'eiht? This is Gina Markes. I'm calling about the ad."

"Oh, yes!" An alien blurbled from the other end. "Cosplayers for the party, right?"

"Yes!" Jane hesitated. "But, er, it's not another nine-year-old's birthday, right? Not that I'm complaining, but the last was... well, the show is a little gory, and..."

"Someone actually did that?" The alien laughed and it sounded like an echo. "No, no way. This is for an engagement party. We just need to stage a SurvivHeir wedding! See, it's the cutest pairing ever, and--"

"Stage a what!?" Jane's fake accent cracked.

The alien clapped, or at least it sounded like that. "Great, you can even do the voice! This is perfect. So I'm looking for a Jane and a Togami, and if you have some formal wear that'd be great. What do you charge for parties, around 2000 credits?"

Jane stared into space for a second, jumped, and shook thoughts out of her head.

"That-- fine! Yes. I'll just, just let me see if I can get the Togami I work with in on this!"

Jane was already plotting ways to drag him into it. Maybe teaming up with a real cosplayer would be less creepy, but there was no way she would be the only one humiliated today.

[(Anonymous)]

The round had a heavy Beauty and the Beast motif already. Have a fairy tale episode porting the cast into the actual story, any version. Who plays what and what happens?

[(Anonymous)]

The survivors prepare to throw Jane a birthday party.

[(Anonymous)]

They'd all found out about Jane's birthday completely on accident - and perhaps in a rather cruel way. Monitoring the Airlocked! accounts for the slightest clue on the whereabouts of their friends also meant seeing some really strange status updates from the marketing and publicity teams - auctions in the Vegas Quadrant for the Temerity's removed cameras, various cosmic memes featuring the beloved dead, and the most invasive of all: small, true facts about the remaining survivors. Nobody had wanted to know the exact lengths of scars or everyone's clothing sizes, or to see family pictures ReSpit like kids passing out field trip forms in a classroom - but the Spit in particular that caught everyone's eye was this:

Airtalked: Get out your mustaches and your stirring spoons, folks! Champion Heiress Jane Crocker's 17th Birthday is tomorrow, Earth time! :B #Airlocked #MaidStrong #LifeWife

When asked about it, Jane blushed, smiled, shook her head. "Goodness, it can't be my birthday already - it's only been two months since my sixteenth! As if I'd want to celebrate such a wretched day, too. Don't trouble yourselves over it, alright?"

That had warranted a conversation. Xander, Yurika, and the Doctor knew most of Jane's wild story, and with help from Jamie, who still remembered each of their files clear as day, the group was able to piece together just why Jane so disliked this day. (One reason made Xander grimace, a hand coming to rest over the scar Corrin left him, but he kept that reason to himself.) Yurika was adamant they try celebrating anyway - Jane-chan was their friend, and she'd gone through so much, just as much as any of them, and she deserved a better birthday party, didn't she? And by gosh, she did not take no for an answer.

There was no need, thankfully, to ban Yurika from the ramshackle kitchen when the question of a cake for Jane came up - she was already thrilled with the prospect of decorating the control room, roping Natsuhi and Togami into assisting her with cutting out paper garlands with who knows what sort of charm - so Thomasin didn't mind working on it with Jamie. He'd helped her navigate the strange indoor market on the alien waystation with its unfamiliar wares, assisted in judging the merits of different kinds of flour and eggs and no, we cannot use a boxed mix, Jane always made her goods from scratch in the space station, it would be rude to use the box. Between the two of them, hopefully they could make something edible.

"Dost thou think we will celebrate for everyone in such a way?" Thomasin asked as she poured batter into a cake pan. Jamie shrugged, then nodded - he'd been given food coloring and tons of icing, and was enjoying making different colors. It was like mixing paint that everyone could eat.

"I don't see why not. It's a nice thing to do." He looked at the blue icing he was working on, frowned, added a drop more of the coloring. "So maybe it's sort of a waste of time. So what? We...we need time wasters. It's just us and a ship and all of space."

A waste of time - yes, Togami had called it that, and Natsuhi too, though she had said it more in Jane's insistence not to do anything for it. If it was really a day with such bad memories, why celebrate it? Thomasin hadn't chimed in. She'd already done so much that her world would flay her for. A cake wasn't going to make a difference.

"Thy words are true, I believe." Thomasin nodded, as if to convince herself, and brought the pan full of batter to the oven that had been installed. It was alien to her still, but it could do the job. Yeah, definitely.

The Doctor peeked in as Thomasin and Jamie attempted to turn the oven on. "Think she suspects somethin's up," he said, "but Xander's teachin' her how to use that knife and not hurt herself. Wants her at it for a while. How long d'you think we gotta bake that for? This ain't like a ready-made mix, y'know."

Thomasin looked at the Doctor blankly. Jamie's mouth fell open.

"Uh...crap. Crap, we - we were following a recipe, though, right?"

"No. T'was all knowledge of baking I retained, save for adjustments for sugars."

"Oh, bollocks."

The three of them attempted to bake the concoction for forty five minutes. When taken out, the batter had not risen nor baked, but it had adhered itself into a black, tarlike consistency around the edges of the pan. Jane walked in on them when they brought it into the control room at the others' insistence, an exhausted Xander trailing after her, and when she saw the decorations and the terrible, blob-like cake, she gasped, and then she laughed, and then she cried and thanked every one of them with hugs and kisses on the cheek and more brilliant laughter.

C.E.C.E. had them stop at the next waystation, which had a Space Shoprite, and the vanilla cake from the dingy bakery was, as Jane insisted, the best cake she'd ever gotten to eat.

[(Anonymous)]

The Mock Trial characters, aside from those who appeared in Round 1, appear in deadland with the rest of the dead.

[(Anonymous)]

Remember that fill where the members of the ships were the eight survivors? Elaborate on how they got there. Is the reason Xander spared Bolton because he didn't lose Lightning, and if so, what saved them from the lockdown? Did that even happen? How did the final investigation go?

[(Anonymous)]

Week 3

Margulis and McBurn walked into the gym with their agreement set. One of them wouldn't walk out of here, that was just how it...

"Wait."

The two of them stopped. In the middle of the floor was a beaten, blond pulp with broken glasses, surrounded by dodgeballs and impaled with a pair of kitchen knives.

McBurn raised his eyebrows. "So, should we say 'good riddance,' or...?"

"The collective's feelings on Togami aside, this appears to make the motive void for anyone else." Margulis rubbed his own temple. "If we still desire to do something for my world, we should call the others and allow the body announcement to go."

McBurn's face was inscrutable, but maybe it always was. "Hm. Yeah, I guess so."

(Thomasin was good at dodgeball, wasn't she?)

Week 5

Kurumi was late. Ricky picked at her waffles nervously, running through all the things that could have happened to her, didn't she have anything to keep her safe--

"Someone killed Jane!"

--and then Kurumi was in the diner, wide-eyed, gasping with one hand holding her up on the doorframe.

Ricky got to her feet, knocking the syrup over onto the floor. "What?"

"Jane!" Kurumi wiped her eyes with her arm. "I found her in-- in the incinerator, and the Doctor's body is in the pool under the ice rink, and..."

Ricky ran to Kurumi and hugged her without thinking. "But you're safe, right?"

Kurumi nodded numbly. "Ricky, I gotta tell you something, I mean... someone had to die. But it wasn't me! Jane could have brought back the next victim! Who would do this?"

(Natsuhi's rage at the secrets motive couldn't be sated just by trying to attack the Overseers at the dance.)

Week 6

Did you really think that we didn't notice the flowers? The secret messages? "Space Station Beautification Project?" That's the most transparent attempt at rebellion I've ever seen.

Kill Ms. Misumaru and end the lockdown.

Final Investigation

most shippy season ever!!!!! ♥♥ but now i'm worried......... they can't just KEEP them all alive, can they???? what about season 3?? will ships be cursed????

Xander wasn't quite sure what he was looking at, but he felt a sense of foreboding anyway.

[(Anonymous)]

High school AU.

[(Anonymous)]

The fun thing about art class was that, thanks to only Art 9 being required to graduate, students of all grades usually ended up in the same one. And so it was that Sadie perched up on her drafting chair and leaned on her hand, inclining her head towards one of the other tables.

"Check out the grade nines. They have so many spend-a-days, they took up two tables."

The other older students turned to see. There were indeed a few first-years -- Ricky and Kurumi, chattering away happily, as Ricky's cousin Angelica (everyone always thought they were twins) rolled her eyes and told them to stop flirting, and some others they hadn't gotten to know -- and one smaller stranger for each of them. A blonde girl in a long dress, probably one of those religious homeschooled kids, shrunk into herself and a goth boy with black and red hair leaned closer with a concerned look. A girl with long black hair looked at everything like she was on a trip to some exotic locale, not Central High. Another girl with a blue ghost-lump shirt cut out a fake mustache from construction paper and taped it onto herself, making the short girl beside her burst out laughing and nearly fall off her drafting chair.

"I doubt that half of those grade eights will enrol." Togami scoffed and pushed his glasses up. "So I don't see the point in paying them any mind."

"Killjoy," said the British kid, tossing a ball of paper at him. That was just what they called him: the British kid. Nobody could ever remember his pompous long name. He got offended once and said it was the name of an ancient Greek doctor, so people started calling him "the Doctor" after that, but "British kid" was still the leading sobriquet.

Margulis rolled his eyes. "Must we get into this again? Class is about to begin." His boyfriend snickered and whispered something in his ear, causing the poor guy to cough and turn deep red.

Those two were a pair. Margulis had gone by his last name since elementary school; Sadie had seen his class schedule with his full name once and burst out laughing. As for the hair dye addict dating him, no one was even sure if "McBurn" was his last name or just because he'd been caught setting the recycle Dumpster on fire behind the school last year. One was way too serious and the other a slacker and a rebel, but they apparently had something in common.

Togami gave the kind of sigh that let everybody know just how much he hated this school. "I certainly hope today is productive."

Sure enough, the art teacher and his TA came in. Mr. Olguin had a paintbrush in his air, a manic grin, and a half-empty bottle of what might be water and might be something against school regulations. He slammed the bottle down on his desk and clapped.

"Art time! Who's excited for some art?"

The blonde grade eight jumped in her seat with a yelp and her hands flew to her heart. "My--!"

The goth kid leaned over. "Thomasin, you okay?"

"You're scaring the kids," said Mr. Fell with an amused shake of his head.

"Says the guy who's dating the demon football coach," the teacher ribbed. "Remember when the kids got terrified when he came in and he was just picking you up for coffee? Oh." His attention went back to the students. "Well, well! Looks like the freshmen brought in a bunch of, what's it called, rent-a-kids!"

"Spend-a-days," Kurumi offered with an eye roll.

"Whatever. Today we're learning pointillism!"

[(Anonymous)]

Xander finds out he's the fandom bicycle.

[(Anonymous)]

When the Airtalked account started respitting links, Xander had examined them - after a crash course in basic point-and-click computing, of course. They were all something called "fanfiction", a concept Jane had warned him about when poking things on this space "internet" initially, but he didn't think it could be so terrible. They were just made-up stories, right? Completely hypothetical stories. What could they do to him?

It turns out, a lot more than he anticipated.

The first ones are part of a "Stormy Knight" fancontest, and the links he clicked were the "finalists". He can't read them for long, they make his heart break, but he manages to bookmark a long one about himself and Light somehow returning to Nohr, leading a normal life, reconciling with Corrin, having a son...he reads that in bits and pieces when he can't sleep, and lets himself cry and keep that speck of selfishness that, once upon a time, he wouldn't have dared to reach for. He knows it's not good for him, though, so he clicks other links for other sorts of fancontests in between the times he reads.

The first time he finds an "Espresso Bar" story, he chokes and turns redder than a cherry. There was whipped cream involved, and the Speedo. Xander did not get much farther than that. The next story is only read for a paragraph before he forcefully clicks out of the window and away from incredibly awkward rebound makeouts with Jamie and himself - Gods, no, leave the poor man alone, he'd already done him enough wrongs and that sort of thing would not make it right - with a face now paler than milk. Another comes up with himself and the Doctor. Then another, with himself and Yurika. Then numerous ones with himself and any of the many teenage girls he'd gotten to know, and he's sorely tempted to thrust Siegfried into the monitor, but the reality of needing this outlet into the outside world and the next chapter of the impossible XanLight happiness story stay his hand.

"What does it mean," He asks idly to Togami one night, leaning back in the captain's chair and staring out into space, "when these..."shippers" put you into romantic pairs with many different people?"

The pompous heir raised an eyebrow at him, scoffed. "I believe the term used in such cretinous circles is 'fandom bicycle'. Everyone's had a ride, so to speak."

"...I see."

Xander printed out the XanLight story, stashed it away, and never touched the computer again.

[(Anonymous)]

The survivors discover the Space LEGO Airlocked! tie-in.

(No, my identity is not obvious to anyone. I am entirely anonymous.)

[(Anonymous)]

Yurika and Thomasin had dressed up for their Vegas Quadrant shopping trip, with new dresses (blue and white, respectively, with roses on them), wide hats, and sunglasses, plus some different makeup just to throw anyone off who might otherwise know them from TV. Their arms were full of bags, mostly clothes, but a few practical things (the 24-hour pharmacy run was Thomasin's idea) and souvenirs for when their friends could finally wake up from being "dead." With that accomplished, they wandered into the AstraLEGO Store, with its sculptures made of building blocks and walls lined with toys.

The two of them stopped cold at a wall of playsets with the Airlocked! logo, broken up by an elaborate courtroom, complete with opening and closing airlock, under a glass case.

"How dare they!" Thomasin lunged forward.

Yurika dropped her bags and held Thomasin back. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "They don't know any better! The fans or the people making merchandise tie-ins. If we get arrested or hurt anyone, how can we find the others and free them? We can't convince the viewers it's real this way."

Thomasin trembled with tearful rage. She slumped into Yurika's arms.

An associate in a red and yellow shirt slimed up to them. "Are you ladies okay? Do you need some help?"

Thomasin snapped back up. "That is--" She stopped and looked back at Yurika. "We shall handle it."

Yurika breathed in and put on her usual smile. "Yes, we're fine! It's just such a sad show, that's all!"

The associate moved his lumpy head to the side. "Airlocked, huh? I haven't gotten in on the hype train, but my Ramblr dash won't shut up about it." He pointed up above the display case. "That one's popular."

Their eyes followed up to a large box with a working Ferris wheel toy that you could put a motor in, complete with "broken" plastic windows, and with four minifigs of their dead friends.

"It's a store exclusive," the associate said. "I think we've only got, like, three left."

Thomasin and Yurika looked up at the set, starting to well up with tears. Yurika counted the credits in their wallet in her head.

After they'd built the set and put it up in a hidden corner of the computer room, they found Jamie playing with it later.

[(Anonymous)]

Characters look up the ship names because they don't understand them all. This was a mistake.