test drive meme

[airlockedmods]

Since we know a lot of people are ready and eager to start playing around in this setting, welcome to the official Airlocked Test Drive! For this test drive, we do have a posting format:

In the header of your comment, put your Character's Name and their Champion title. You don't have to put in the canon if you don't want, but you can if you feel the need.

And the guidelines we ask you to follow are, please try to include at least one prompt in your top-level to reply to, and if you make a top-level try to tag out to at least one other person. We want everyone to get a chance to give their choices a fair shake, after all.

Here are some examples to get you started:

A - Arrival
You wake up in a bed that's not your own, in a shiny chrome room that has bright fluorescent lights that light up along the floor as soon as your feet hit it and glowing sconces on the walls. Whether it's much different from what you're used to or not different at all, it's time to figure out where you are and more importantly, whether you're alone.

B - Mealtime
Well sweet, at least there's a cafeteria! But wait, it seems like there's only hot food during certain times of day. The rest of the time if you go foraging in the kitchen you can find weird silver packages with the name of food on the side that...definitely don't seem big enough to hold the food in question. If you open it up, it seems oddly dry...

C - Zero G
A zero gravity room! Awesome! The walls and floor are textured to give you something to hang onto to crawl across back to the control panel, but if you're floating in the middle of the room you might need someone to give you a push.

D - Holo Deck
A room where all your dreams come true. Kind of. In a photorealistic display of light and sound.

E - Anything else!
Or Create your own!

This is not an official reserve, nor does it guarantee a slot in the game, but if you do choose to app a character that you test drove, you can use two minimum 20-comment threads or one minimum 40-comment thread (so at least 20 total comments from your character) in place of writing a sample. So have fun with it!

Comments

Homare Nishitani | Champion of the Kijin Clan, a Subsidiary of the Omi Alliance | Yakuza Zero

[buddyoldpal]

(( Do I win anything for longest Champion title, asking for a friend. ))

1: The 80s Prepared Him For All This Chrome

[ Our story begins with Nishitani looking out the window. Yep, that is sure is space. His eyes light up. This is completely insane, but when has that ever deterred him? ]

Ahhh, you've gotta be fuckin' with me! Is that seriously space?

[ Should you find yourself unfortunate enough, you will perhaps run into Homare Nishitani, a man known largely by his reputation... in Sotenbori, Japan, anyway. As for what he's doing here, he's as curious about it as anyone else. Everything about the way he moves to the way he keeps checking his pockets seems to indicate that he's missing something valuable to him. What a weirdo.

He's hunched around the window, moving animatedly as though he might see something besides the void of infinite nothingness if he just turns his head the right way... that's where you come along. He waves a hand, eyes still locked on the small window. ]

Hey, hey, have a look at this, will ya?

[ (1b:) Uh, let me know if you'd like to fight him because I'll be honest, this might be a trap. ]

2: How Much Till It's Okay?

[ Well, the food sucks. It's not like Nishitani grew up eating caviar and sucking on Chardonnay. That shit started when he got into the Yakuza proper. It's a damn shame the food here sucks so bad, though. Nishitani sits sprawled on a table, legs dangling off the armrest, rocking back and forth. That's not how you sit, dude. He seems to have opened around 10 of those silver packages and not a single one has yielded any results. ]

Maaan, this is worse than prison food. At least in prison I could have a smoke. [ He sighs and sits up, rolling his shoulders to get a crick out of his neck. Or maybe just because it's something to do. ] If I haveta eat another one of these dried sacks of shit--

[ 2b: Maybe you were walking up to the cafeteria, or maybe you've been there the whole time and he didn't notice you. Point is, now he does, and he's making his way right over. ]

Well, hey there, how's it going? [ That smile is never a good sign. ] You wanna get better food, right? 's not just me, right? [ He's. Getting closer. ] See, I was thinkin' the other day... and I think got us a plan! Whatcha say? You'll help me, won'tcha?

3: Time to kinkshame the TDM

[ The announcement goes off, "Champion of ---- is dead," the voice says. A copy of the autopsy report appears on Nishitani's PIP, with each gruesome detail listed, along with a photo of the corpse in question.

Nishitani stares down at his PIP, a giggle escaping his lips. ]

Oh-ho? What's this now? Things're finally gonna get excitin'?

[ He presses a few buttons at random, evidently looking for the body's location. He's... really excited about this murder thing. He nods as more facts come in. He probably would've done if differently if you ask him... ]

Ahh, what I wouldn't give to know who it was, I owe 'em one hell of a kiss...

[ Don't mind him, he's just... excited. Really. Excited. Maybe stay out of his way, or don't. ]

2b.

[maddogs]

Yeah, it's fucking terrible but what the hell ---

[how majima managed to avoid (??) seeing nishitani until right now in this moment is really anyone's guess especially considering how loud the two of them are but now that nishitani is specifically getting his attention he's








]

Holy shit.

[buddyoldpal]

[ it's a test drive so who cares about losing memories eh???? ]

Ohhh, is that you Majima-chan? That a new look?

[ You thought he was smiling before, now he's straight up grinning. And coming right atcha, bud. He glances him up and down, whistling low. Nice. ]

You are lookin' good! That snakeskin really suits ya, y'know? I'm a lil' heartbroken that you didn't keep the hair, though. Woulda liked to run my fingers through it one more time.

[maddogs]

Ya never ran your fingers through it in the first place, idiot.

[majima shakes his head and rolls his eye, but he can't help but smile. part of him thinks this can't possibly be real and it's some kind of trap. at the same time, he doesn't really care.

he doesn't shy away from the attention, though, just sort of takes it in stride, like he's also lost the capacity for shame and embarrassment. yolo, man.

after nishitani's finished checking him out (he'll never be finished, but, you know), majima opens his mouth like he's going to ask a question but thinks better and grins instead.]

Wanna fight?

[buddyoldpal]

[ He will never be finished, he is going to ogle Majima the whole time... rip. ]

That so? Musta dreamt it, then!

[ There aren't words for how delighted Nishitani seems at the offer. He could skip in place, wow. Don't. Talk about boners. Don't do it. ]

Majima-chan, do ya even have to ask? Sweet-talkin' me like that... you some kind of a romantic now?

[ His dreams are real, his crops are watered, his skin is clear..... Majima asked him to fight. They might be wearing nice suits but that never stopped Nishitani before. He cracks his knuckles, smiling back at his old friend. Dude dies for you, he's your friend now and forever, Majima. ]

Must be my lucky day!

[maddogs]

[he's trying to decide if he's gotten demoted or promoted here but he's going to assume the latter. maybe it just makes sense anyway, with the way he talks to kiryu. like this is some logical progression for both of them.

it's fine. this is so totally fine right now.]

Who else is even fucking worth fighting around here? Buncha weak shits waitn' around to get murdered.

[he says, like he's totally fine with murder. he is so totally not. this is definitely the place he and nishitani break at but it's fine. he pulls off snakeskin jacket nishitani was complimenting earlier and since he can't be bothered to wear shirts, that leaves him shirtless and showing off his sweet tatts for nishitani to finally see.

get on his level dude]

Learned a lot since the last time I fought you. [it's not a brag, but it's almost a brag. he's got too much respect for nishitani, even if he's beaten him before, to just outright act like he's way better than him or something.] Hope you're ready to have some fun.

3

[misanthropicprinciple]

[Junpei glances up from his own PIP with the most wonderful blend of weary disgust on his face. (The worst part of waking up is corpses in your cup, et cetera.)]

Are you... [Well then. He looks Nishitani over.] You're serious. Wow.

[He gives the report on his PIP one more go-over, then shakes his head, sends it into sleep mode with the easy familiarity of the post-millennial, and heads for the location of the body without disclosing it. Because he's a jerk. Anyway, looks like he'll be checking out the space^TM casino, which is totally a thing I just made up right now.]

Did you hate that guy's guts or what?

[buddyoldpal]

I'm dead serious, pal! Stone, cold, and dead serious.

[ He's still grinning, mind you. Nishitani is from the 80s, he's had to stab at his PIP a few times to get it to do what he wants, but it sure is fancier than a pager, I tell you what. ]

Looks like we're both headin' the same way, eh? Damn crazy coincidence, that is!

[ Did you expect to lose him because You Are Not. He's a clingy guy. Space Casino sounds awesome, though. ]

Nah, nothin' like that! [ He saves off the very idea! ] I woulda tried to kill 'im myself if I hated the poor bastard. But I don't waste my time on weak shits like that.

[ There's an overly-dramatic shrug, like this is a totally normal conversation to be having after hearing about a dead body. ]

Still's more excitin' than hanging out waitin' ta see who "falls in love." At this rate I'm thinkin I might fall for with whoever done 'im in, honestly! Takes real balls to pull this shit here, y'know? [ Just talking about it seems to... make him even more excited. ] Fuck, I really wanna know who did it!

[misanthropicprinciple]

Uh...huh.

[If Junpei side-eyes this guy any harder, he's going to snap his extraocular muscles. Yes. Gruesome murder. Very exciting. This is exactly the buddy he's always wanted to his pseudo-cop.

He shakes uncombed hair out of his face.]

Welp, as I understand it, that's exactly what we're supposed to find out now, so... hooray?

[He says it with an exhausted, markedly unenthusiastic fist-pump. He's so tired of this. This may be Airlocked Round 2's first case, but it sure ain't Junpei's, and he just wants to go back to bed for like forty-five years.]

Maybe you can ask them out after we pin first-degree murder on their ass. You know, make it really romantic with a piece of that junk from our so-called Benefactors.

[buddyoldpal]

[ Did you say buddy cops? Because Nishitani has the bad cop (awful cop, horrible cop) down-pat. Of course, he's also the boss of a mob family so... ]

What's the matter, hm? Bored already? How long'd they say this goes on for? A month? Two? You ain't gonna last long like that, buddy.

[ No reason not to be friendly, of course. If Junpei was joking.... Nishitani missed the joke. In fact, he seems kind of enamored by the idea now that you mention it. ]

Ya think I could? Ahh, that'd be a real show, wouldn't it! Give 'em the ol' kiss of death right before they try their ass and throw 'em into outer space... Shit, that sounds great!

[misanthropicprinciple]

[The guy is seriously unhinged, and Junpei-from-a-year-ago would be shocked by how utterly banal Junpei-from-right-now finds this.]

Huh. I wonder what happens to your dick if you pop a boner right before they throw you out of airlock...

[nOTHING GOOD, JUNPEI.]

On second thought, maybe that'd get too graphic for our audience? Don't go to town too hard on the perp. For the ratings' sake, if nothing else.

2b

[toneverbetray]

[He was honestly planning to just go in, sit down, have a quiet meal and maybe chat with some people if they were inclined to.

This is probably not the kind of chat he wants. Still, he doesn't appear to be anything but completely relaxed when Nishitani approaches, if that smile can be taken at face value.]

Oh? I'd say that these are actually rather palatable compared to other rations I've had.

[buddyoldpal]

[ Now, now, we all know smiles can't be taken at face value. Nishitani for his part looks elated half the time, but I think it's fair to assume he'd have everybody killed if he had his gang here. So sad that he doesn't...

Cool guy kind of piss him off, but he also kind of enjoys that too. ]

Oh-ho? You a military-type? Don't tell me they been starvin' ya back home... You got the look of a guy who can throw his weight around. I like that.

[ That's a compliment? ]

[toneverbetray]

[Considering the other man's general attitude, it seems more like provocation than anything else, but that's alright. He'll stand up to do his introduction anyways.]

Specialist Major McGillis Fareed of the Gjallarhorn Inspection Bureau. It's a pleasure.

[He'll extend his hand for a handshake, because, well. It's the polite thing to do. Have to represent the Space Police™ well, after all.]

And far from it. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't object to something a little more flavorful every now and then, either.

[buddyoldpal]

[ Fair assumption, tbh.

Nishitani whistles at his long, introduction. He looks down at his hand before he remembers, oh right. Handshakes. Very Western. But Nishitani's met his fair share of foreigners, he takes his hand and gives him a stern shake. Wow, it's almost like he can be a businessman if he tries. Then he goes and opens his mouth... ]

That's a real long title ya got there. Is it Fareed-san? McGillis-san? My English ain't so good, y'see. Hope I'm sayin' it right.

[ Gotta love the power of space translation, evidently. ]

I should do the ol' intro too, yeah? Right, right. [ He straightens up his stance, obviously mocking McGillis' polite attitude. I'm sorry. (He's not.) ]

Homare Nishitani, Chairman of the Kijin Clan, a Subsidiary of the Omi Alliance. [ He takes a bow. This is so overly dramatic. ] 's right in my Champion title and everything! Doubt all that means shit to you, does it? Forget about it.

[ He waves it off. He's not gonna go into yakuza things unprompted. Introductions are boring, anyway. ]

Ohhh, I knew ya weren't the type to just eat space food. Those "meal times" they give us just ain't enough, am I right? There's not even any booze! It's a damn shame, is what it is.

[toneverbetray]

McGillis is fine. There's no need to be too formal here anyways.

[Although he won't argue if he's addressed another way, either. He's cool with whatever i mean, a kid literally calls him Chocolate Man anyways tbh, even if Nishitani's definitely mocking him at this point.]

As much as Gjallarhorn means to you, I assume. But I can respect that you're a chairman of an organization, Mr. Nishitani.

[Right after saying that bit about formality too...]

While I wouldn't be opposed to a drink or two with our meals, I would think that it's a bit careless to overindulge yourself in circumstances like these. You never know when someone might crack.

3

[gotadealforyou]

[Garfield, naturally, is going with the latter. He's just finished flipping through the details of the autopsy himself, and glances up when Nishitani starts giggling. He can't help but smile in reaction, giving him a distinctly cheshire-like appearance. Except without all the purple]

Now, now! You'd really give your favors away so easily?

[buddyoldpal]

[ God bless, i mean he's a fucking cat but someone gets it, right?? Haha, you would, Nishitani. ]

Aw, a kiss ain't worth too much. I ain't real big into handouts, but killing's got a special place in my heart, y'know?

[ For real, it does tho. ]

[gotadealforyou]

[Morals? What are morals? This cat grew a second body in the back of the Fantasy Costco and has no probs asking for blood. Murder is small beans] Hmm~ I suppose! I'm more into making deals and saving people that good moolah, but everyone's got their pleasures!

[buddyoldpal]

[ That's the way to be tbh, Nishitani likes this strange cat. Now all he needs to do is fight him and they could be true friends. ]

Damn right! Nobody around here's even taken me up on tryin' to fight 'em, if I gotta get my rocks off with shit like this, can ya really blame me?

[gotadealforyou]

[unfortunately for Nishitani, Garfield isn't really much for fighting. Unless it's in a bidding war] Not at all, homie! You gotta keep yourself entertained on this ship somehow!

2b

[guardianofsplendor]

Is that so?

[She leans easily against the table, one hand idly cradling her face as she grins. It looks like a casual posture, but the way she moves is a little too calculated, like she's always striking some kind of pose.]

And just what kinda plan is that?

[buddyoldpal]

[ Ohhh, step on me with your meta heels, LP. Nishitani's a real fan of her showmanship, so he has absolutely no problem popping those elbows of his down and, draping himself on the table. ]

See, I figure these bigwigs in charge wanna see a show, yeah? An' they picked a real doozy of a gimmick, I'll give 'em that. This matchmakin' business as well as wantin' us to get all creative with murder, it's gotta be one hell of a show.

[ He honestly sounds more impressed by the idea than anything. The thought of a couple of strangers murdering each other? Whatever, he couldn't care less. ]

It got me thinkin' maybe we give 'em what they want, they give us what we want. Nice and simple-like. [ He leans back, don't worry, he may be an asshole but he's still a businessman. His business is just... crime. ] Now, I doubt anybody's gonna line up get killed, but ya think if people started mackin' on each other like a couple of high school kids on prom night, they'd treat us a little better, yeah?

[guardianofsplendor]

You think so? I think they might be mixin' their genres a little much.

[Or maybe she's just looking for reasons to be critical? Not that she'd admit it. She didn't come here to be in charge, she's got plenty of other places to do that in.]

Ohhhh, my. That's one way to drive up ratings. [A slow grin creeps across her face.] There's not a chance in hell that'll get us outta here, sweetheart. Doubt it'll even get us better food. But there's nothing wrong with everyone having a little fun trying! Better than sitting around brooding.

[buddyoldpal]

[ We can't all be as flawless as you, LP. ]

Ya got me there, sister. [ Nishitani just shrugs. He thought it was a pretty good idea but maybe he's just a horndog, the jury's still out on that one. ] It'd be a hell of a better time than bein' all sorry for ourselves. "Oh, woe is me, I'm stuck in space! Everybody wants to kill me!" It's fucking pathetic.