livestudioaudience | R4 Viewing Party - no crying til the end (if you can help it)

[ Yuuri jumps -- jolts away from Arianna like she's just been shocked and the words that come out of her mouth are uncharacteristically sharp, especially considering just who she's talking to. ]

Don't--

[ Don't touch me, she almost spits before realizing -- no, that's Arianna. It's alright. It looks like that was enough to break whatever spell the TV had cast on her because now she's actually starting to look panicked and upset, rather than that unsettling blankness from before. Whether that's an improvement or not is up to you. ]

I don't-- why would anyone--! Why would they go after Miki-san if they'd-- if someone else had already--?!

Yuuri.

[hi there who wants help containing hurricane rii-san? Ardyn knelt down in front of her, gently taking her hand since Arianna had her shoulder.]

We're going to get them back, remember? Take a deep breath--we're all right here.

That doesn't-- it doesn't change--!

[ She's too upset to even speak properly, even though she's clearly struggling (and failing) to calm herself down. At the very least though, her breathing seems to be settling into a pattern that isn't Hyperventilate so that might be progress. ]

That's both of them. Both of them. And I couldn't-- I could never--

[ Oh no, false alarm we're climbing back up to Panic and Upset again. ]

Yuuri, focus on me. Breathe, hold it for a second, then let it out.

This is not your fault. None of us could prevent it, but we are damn well going to fix it regardless of whether or not it changes what's happened.

[ Focus. Breath. Ardyn has her hand in his and she makes herself zero in on that -- on something solid and tactile. Her trembling starts to ease a little as does the rapid-fire pace of her breathing into something steadier and less likely to catch in her throat. ]

I know. I know I can't-- especially not now, not after it's all over but I need...

[ She catches his hand in both of hers and holds onto it painfully tight. ]

I need to do something. I can't just keep sitting here like this. It's driving me out of my mind.

[ Again. a nasty little voice at the back of her head reminds her. Yuuri makes herself ignore it. ]

There's only one thing to do then, isn't there?

[He smiled faintly even with Yuuri crushing his hand half to death, glancing toward the door.]

Come on. Emergency sword training, right now.

Edited 2017-10-27 21:19 (UTC)

I-- right now?!

[ She looks a little taken aback, like the pieces aren't quite clicking in her head as to why they'd be doing this now of all times. ]

Is now really the time for it?

I know I do not always have the best judgment, but trust me. Humor the idea for a bit and see how you feel.

... alright.

[ She nods and swallows hard. Even if sword practice sounds absolutely ridiculous right now, she knows that being out of here, away from the TV is probably a good idea. ]

Good. Come on. [Ardyn gently led her outside, not letting go of her hand until he pressed a practice sword into it and stepped back, summoning one of his own.]

I'm not instructing you today past this one rule: come at me and strike as hard as you can as much as you want to.

[ She's holding the sword awkwardly, not settling into her usual stance just yet. There's almost a smile on her face but it's entirely too bitter and tired to look much like a real one. ]

Until I wear myself out. Is that the idea?

That's half of it. I think you'll catch on once we start.

[Or: dad has anger issues and knows only so many coping mechanisms.]

I'm ready when you are. Don't hold anything back.

[ Don't hold anything back, he says but for a moment she almost does anyway. She's worried that, with how wound up she is, she'll do him some real harm. But then she reminds herself -- human as he still is, this is Ardyn. She thinks it'd take more than a little angry sword swinging from someone like her to put him down.

So, without thinking it over, without letting herself think it over, she moves in and strikes with a fast, hard blow. Then another. And another. And another and another and-- ]

[Perfect.]

[Ardyn didn't parry or strike back; his own sword moved in a mirror of hers, intercepting each strike with the sharp sound of wooden blades striking each other as he blocked attack after attack.]

[If he knew anything, it was how to vent immeasurable anger and frustration.]

[ Her hands hurt. She's swinging so wildly and hitting so hard that the impact of each blow rings up through the blade but she doesn't care. And it occurs to her, right around the point that her hands start to burn that for the first time -- no, her form isn't perfect and her blows are somewhat clumsy but she hasn't had to think about any of it, for once. She's not overthinking how to move her feet. She hasn't had to remind herself to adjust her grip. For the first time since she's started learning, everything she's been taught by both her teachers is flowing as easily and naturally and anything.

And though she hates it, hates herself that this is what it took to make it happen, there's a savage sort of satisfaction in it. In knowing she's not totally powerless. There's something, even as small as this, that she can still do because she's alive. She's furious. That means she can keep moving.

But she doesn't want to. She's so tired. She's tired and angry at everything but most of all herself and wants it all to stop, just for a moment. It's not just the Network anymore, it's not just Airlocked, it's the Randall Corporation and Isadore University and Megurigaoka Academy and it's been two fucking years since any of it has just stopped.

She can't keep going forever. Something has to give eventually. And it does -- because as angry as she is, there's only so much Yuuri can physically do before she can't any more. She's gasping and wheezing for breath and she's shaking with exertion. Her hands are so sore her fingers are practically numb and she lets the sword slip out from them. It clatters to the ground and when she looks up at Ardyn, it's impossible to tell if her face it wet with sweat, tears or both. ]

... w--why... why can I... why can I never do anything for them? Even though I was... I was the club president... I was the one who was supposed to protect them and even before all this I... I could never...!

[Both swords dissipated into white crystals, Ardyn dropping to one knee and gently taking her face in both hands. It was strange how calm he felt, how spiteful rage was being sharpened into a blade meant only for the right people when once it had been an indiscriminate destroyer that felled nations when it was swung.]

[The network would burn for what they'd done; only the network, with no more innocent collateral damage. For the pain they'd felt, for the misery and fear and for every last emotion on Yuuri's face, 'the Accursed' would be a benevolent angel next to what Ardyn Tenmyouji would do.]

[But for right now--he was very, incredibly, and completely steady as he fixed Yuuri with calm yellow eyes and spoke softly.]

I will not allow you to lay this blame upon your own shoulders. No matter how it feels and no matter the pain you're going through, the fault lies well beyond your reach. You know that as well as I.

...I told you already. You demand perfection from yourself even when perfection simply isn't possible. You are part of a rigged game and have been for too long--you can not blame losing upon yourself when all of it was geared to force the outcome from the outset.

Edited (typo'd) 2017-10-29 06:03 (UTC)

(no subject)

serrata - 2017-10-29 18:11 (UTC) - Expand

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scourgingstars - 2017-10-29 19:34 (UTC) - Expand

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serrata - 2017-10-31 21:57 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

scourgingstars - 2017-11-01 05:28 (UTC) - Expand

hey i hate you just fyi

serrata - 2017-11-02 21:21 (UTC) - Expand

luv u 2

scourgingstars - 2017-11-02 21:49 (UTC) - Expand

[Partial list of things that could have happened at this exact moment that Arianna would have found extremely upsetting:

that reaction

Arianna never thought seeing Yuuri like this would be an improvement, but it is, which just goes to show how bad it was before. Still, she withdraws her hand quickly, like someone who was just hissed at by a cat they were trying to pet.]

I... I do not...

[She doesn't know what to say. Now of all times, with Yuuri of all people, she can't think of so much as an encouraging syllable.]

[ And the worst part of it is that Yuuri quails too, just as upset by her own response as Arianna is. ]

I'm... I'm sorry. I just-- I don't--

[ ELOQUENCE 'R US HERE AT YOUR LOCAL SURVIVOR POOL TODAY ]

[NO NO NO SHE'S MAKING IT WORSE SHE DOESN'T WANT TO MAKE IT WORSE NOOOO]

Rii-san, I--

[

What are words?

She tries... reaching for her shoulder again? Cautiously? Seeing how she reacts?]

[ She doesn't flinch this time, which is a step up! But she doesn't look any less tense or unhappy. ]

I'm so sick of this. Of just sitting around and not doing anything b--but... this is all over already. It's already happened. So I can't do anything. None of us can.

[Oh hey, Arianna knows that feeling. She knows it perhaps excessively well, lately.]

It is not over. These events have already occurred, but we have already seen Dame Chloe appear with the other dead. There is still hope.

[ That isn't a comfort -- not like it used to be, because no matter where Kurumi and Miki are now, Yuuri's still failed them. Still been unable to protect them, just like always.

But. Maybe, just maybe, when they take this fight to the Network, she can do something then. Maybe eventually she can make up for failing them like she has. ]

... We'll get them back. Won't we? Kurumi and Miki-san and-- and all the others.

[ she doesn't sound determined or sure of herself or anything like that -- she sounds lost. ]

Won't we?

We will.

[Arianna doesn't sound determined, either, unlike a moment ago. It's just... a statement. This is what will happen.

She pulls Yuuri into a hug. Sorry, Ardyn, emergency sword training is a good idea and she'll allow her to go soon, but this is a very important hug.

It's important for both of them. Arianna can't fail her sister at a time like this. Her place in this little family they've found is all she has in this world.]

We will find where their minds are being kept, and reunite with Dame Cece, and all will be well again.

[ God. What has she ever done to deserve a sister like Arianna? Someone who's spent her whole life being strong for other people, who's been thrown into a hell like this but somehow -- she's still strong, still shining bright and holding Yuuri up when her own two feet won't do it.

She holds onto Arianna as tight as she can for a moment, so hard her arms ache. Whatever accident of fate decided they were going to end up together in this history, Yuuri's more grateful for it than she'll ever find words to say. ]

We will. I...

[ What can she say to Arianna, to let her know how much she's loved? How much Yuuri appreciates everything she does? There's nothing she can say or do to ever really convey it. Instead, all she can do is give a shaky sigh and an equally shaky smile as she pulls back. ]

... thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you.

...it is the same for me.

[What would she do without her Rii-san? What would she have done the evening after that first trial, if she'd had to stay strong for everyone all by herself? What would she have done when it finally came time to go back to the room where Mai belonged? Or after they rescued Ardyn and the others, when it was finally too much for her, who else could have picked her back up?]

I never wish to learn the answer.