Viewing Party 2 - R3: THE RE-CRY-ENING

[misanthropicprinciple]

We got castmates. We got clues. We got crap to bitch about. They get a library? And a LAUNDRY MACHINE?

Welcome, murderfam... TO THE R3 LIVEWATCH.

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[stitch_in_time]

Jane? Jane.

[Well that looks- if not like a panic attack, then pretty freaking bad regardless. Hopefully not the kind of panic that'll be exacerbated by a grip on Jane's shoulder, because that's what's happening.]

Jane, you need to breath, okay? Slowly. Stay with us, here.

[Is Xander nearby. If so, he's getting motioned the fuck over here if he's not already on his way.]

[cyan_maid]

[She IS here, that's the problem, she needs to be THERE, she needs her knife, her knife which is in the room she's been sharing, the knife that should be going into this fucker's throat for everything he's done-

The sound does stop when she feels the hand on her shoulder, going instead for deep breaths. Deep breaths that might be coming a little too fast. Blaze Dudely, he calls himself. Bullshit.]

It's - he's - he's Guy F-Fieri, Guy fucking Fieri, h-he...t-the Condesce made him High C-Chaplain of Inters-steller War, he's - fuck -

[The rational part of her mind knows that, if Bolton could look exactly like Alton Brown, it's not out of possibility for some whacko named Blaze Dudely to look like Guy Fieri, but. But.]

[stitch_in_time]

I know what he looks like. And yes, he is incredibly fuck. But he's not here, the Condesce's not here. You're safe, and you need to breath.

Once we track them down you can have first shot at 'im if you want, but for now just breath before you hurt yourself, yeah? Come on, nice and slow.

[cyan_maid]

But that's - what if it's really -

[What if it really is him what if she brought him back what if she's looking for them all





Jane tries really hard to breathe like a normal fucking person. It's. Difficult.]

[stitch_in_time]

It's not. Promise. Cross my hearts.

[His voice is quiet, but firm. Are these the tones of someone who'd lie? Yes, but shoosh, details.]

Take it slow. In and out, 'bout four seconds each. Can you try that?

[cyan_maid]

[She nods, and closes her eyes, and counts four seconds in her head as she breathes in...then four as she breathes out. Four in, four out. Four in...]

...What the fuck do we do now?

[stitch_in_time]

For starters, do you need to get out of here? No one's gonna think less of you if you need to sit the rest of tonight out.

[cyan_maid]

[She just. Nods rapidly. She needs to be away from this for a while before she can come back with a slightly rational mind.]

[stitch_in_time]

Okay, okay. Let's go take a walk, see what the pigeons are up to or-

[And then presumably Xandad is here, thank fuck.]

[cyan_maid]

[thank fuck indeed]

[motherfucking_ghost]

...I'm fucking sorry, did you just call internet meme and diner foodie Guy Fieri someone who has anything to do with interstellar war?

Okay, seriously, that's two benevolent figures you've turned into impossible hate machines of the future, what the fuck is wrong with your universe?

[Sorry, was anyone ever actually under the impression that Church has tact, because...]

[scourgingstars]

Really not the time, Leonard.

[stitch_in_time]

[Okay, you know that throat slashing, 'stop talking' gesture? You're getting that right now. And a quick death-glare that usually means something very big is about to blow up.]

[cyan_maid]

I don't know, I d-didn't create it!!

[WOW THANKS CHURCH EVERYONE WAS DOING A GOOD JOB CALMING HER DOWN and now she's so amped up again]

And I didn't witness it, I saw - news articles, a-and Youtube footage - whatever R-Roxy and Dirk could p-p-pull up in archives, and - and when he s-swore in the fucking Insane Clown Posse as the D-Dual Presidents of the United States and - fuck, he just ushered in the apocalypse like it was nothing-

[motherfucking_ghost]

........I mean, there've been worse Presidents. [badumtss] But the actual fucking fuck. Why is your world so against food. The actual shitfuck. Who else is a harbinger of death, Gordon Ramsay? Fucking--fucking Anthony Bourdain? Next you're gonna tell me Emeril Lagasse is the Prince of Darkness.

[scourgingstars]

Enough, Church.

[Ardyn snapped that with a scowl, hand sharply brought upside Church's head before grabbing his shirt collar-]

Excuse us.

[-and dragging him out of the room, clearly furious.]

[motherfucking_ghost]

Ow--the fuck! I haven't even mentioned Paula Deen, High Priestess of Butter!

[scourgingstars]

[He'd dragged Church clear out the front door, shoving him back against the wall and slapping his other hand over his mouth.]

Shut. Up. If I let go of you and I hear one more smartassed remark bound to upset that girl, you will walk around with an imprint of the Ring of the Lucii on yor face for a week. Do you understand.

[motherfucking_ghost]

[There are a few sputtering words out of Church's mouth during the dragging and the shoving, and then, blessedly, there is silence. Church doesn't so much struggle as bring his hands up around Ardyn's arm on impulse.

He doesn't make much indication either way (y'know, on account of being shoved against a wall and having a hand over his mouth), but his glare doesn't lessen any.]

[scourgingstars]

[Ardyn dropped his hand, glaring right back at him.]

What is wrong with you? Am I missing something I should know about?

[motherfucking_ghost]

What's wrong with me? The fuck's wrong with you? [He gives Ardyn a shove.] Get the hell off me, god, of course it goes over your head, you don't know shit about our pop culture, or mine or hers or whatever.

[scourgingstars]

I don't give a damn about that right now, Church, are you that completely tactless?! Why did you have to start spouting asinine nonsense like that when it was only upsetting her?!

[motherfucking_ghost]

Why do you even give a fuck about her?!

[scourgingstars]

Because GIVE ME A GODS-DAMNED REASON NOT TO!

[Ardyn snarled that in the same gravel-laden voice that put even the Starscourge to shame, eyes flashing as he drove his fist into the wall half a foot from Church's head.]

[cyan_maid]

...N-No...that's all still Betty Crocker, Guy Fieri, and the whitest rap duo in space and t-time...

[And the thing is? She is dead fucking serious.]