TEXTS FROM LAST MURDERGAME

[serrata]

you know exactly what this is about

Comments

[stitch_in_time]

1) Refresh my memory. Were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?

2) My bed smells like the plague.

3) Just don't do anything stupid.

[An unspecified amount of time later-]

I did a stupid sorry.

4) Why is there apple juice in the bathtub?

5) [Wildcard!]

3

[daughterofthemark]

Have you been imprisoned again?

1

[curdle]

You did say they could not fire us for we quit as we went. I think perchance it was both.

2

[refusedtoleave]

Clean it then. There's no excuse for there to be a mess here.

[cameupshort]

1) Just had a reminder come up that only said "Ham"

2) I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a lightsaber. If thats the case I want that back too

3) You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.

4) I just watched a squirrel take down a snake, life isn't so bad after all.

5) [Wildcard!]

1

[nojohnyouare]

Did you find some in the refrigerator?

[kingshaming]

1) Why do I have a pole dance champion shot glass?

2) I find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

3) Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

Or wildcard it up!

1

[daughterofthemark]

Because you were the winner!

2 (lemme know if you'd prefer black text)

[cyan_maid]

Clearly I have my priorities while upset over the drunken shenanigans of others.
Seriously. What in the heck?

[daughterofthemark]

1. like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello

2. Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"

3. Why are you in my phone under "the last survivor"?

4. You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.

1

[cameupshort]

please tell me this was a misfire

3

[ratherdoweddings]

I think you panicked when you came back and everyone else was passed out after scary stories!

4 (just lemme know if you'd prefer black text)

[cyan_maid]

Yes, I remember.
It was a joke, Arianna. An act of practical japery.

[tacomeme]

1)If you think I'm not petty enough to walk to your room at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.

2) Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and having sword fights. I think I'm in love

3) Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

3

[cameupshort]

Watch your kriffing language young man.


But seriously, try to signal me or something if you're gonna need someone to hold your hair while you puke

[shikosuki]

1) Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?

2) If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.

3) Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.

4) I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose

5) Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.

6) [wildcard!]

1

[nojohnyouare]

...Is that why nobody else would tell me what that was.

[scourgingstars]

1- Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?

2- i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.

3- Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.

4- I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.

5- Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.

6- [wildcard]

4

[ratherdoweddings]

Oh, no, what did he do today?

[curdle]

1. You just kept a-yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen

2. Why art thou in my phone under "the last survivor"?

3. Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running

4. [ what thomasin would actually do while 15-year-old tipsy with a phone, which is literally just a nonstop stream of emojis ]

5. PRITHE HELP ME I KNOW NOT HOW TO END THIS. IT SOUND S AS THOUGH I SHOUT BUT I DON'T HOW DO I CHANGE THE LETTERS? WHERE ARE YOU

1

[daughterofthemark]

I was very frustrated.

[theundertaken]

1. They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass

2. My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.

3. after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.

4. Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.

5. Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life

4

[nojohnyouare]

...We had other food. Is the milk bad again?

[nojohnyouare]

1) I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it.

2) I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear-san we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation.

3) We had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.

4) Why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan.

5) So, uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul?"

[ratherdoweddings]

1) Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great, and I don't plan on changing that any time soon.

2) You were humming "Mission: Impossible" as we ran from the scene.

3) Are you really sure this should be what motivates you?

4) I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow versus spicy mustard...

5) And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan.

4 (just lemme know if you want black text)

[cyan_maid]

When it comes to what you add into various recipes, the difference is incredibly poignant.
For example, if you put yellow mustard into baked beans, it just turns the liquid more yellow-y and there's the distinct mustard taste, but not much else going on.
Spicy mustard doesn't provide nearly as much pigmentation change, and you get all the additional spices as well as the mustard to go along with the beans! It's so much more palatable!
You can also add some maple syrup for additional sweetness, but that's an entirely different argument.

How does she know how to text?

[refusedtoleave]

1.) I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

2.) This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

3.) I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.

4.) I look excited, but its just a facade.

5.) After last night, I've never not wanted to live so much in my life.

1 (lemme know if you want black text)

[cyan_maid]

That's true.
But I also did very well in following the traffic rules for someone who's never even driven a car before.

I can drop the color text on request, pls feel free to ask

[cyan_maid]

1.) This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

2.) Hey this is Jane, I have to type for Jamie because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands.

3.) After he passed out, we removed everything electronic from his room, then stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from Space Goodwill. For 20 minutes we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

4.) Text her!

2

[theundertaken]

hey wow hi jane what the fuck???

[serrata]

1. She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her

2. I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.

3. The only coherent words in the 6 texts I received were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions

4. I'm honestly afraid I won't survive my actual 20th birthday.

5. You spent a solid fifteen minutes last night convinced I was your conscience. You were not "a little tipsy"

6. [ OBLIGATORY WILDCARD ]

2

[daughterofthemark]

Did it?

[She's kidding, right? ...right?]

[motherfucking_ghost]

1. I already popped my bottle of fireball and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho

2. You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and sparbys where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...

3. I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees

4. I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards

5. I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.

5 (tell me if you'd rather I used black text)

[cyan_maid]

Okay. That's wonderful. I am so incredibly happy for you, the man, the myth, the legend, Leonard Church.
Question for you.
Do you know what type of gravy it was?
Because I made two different gravies and one of them was from the juices of a bug thing.

[damnfourthemerald]

1. I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE

2. I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quite the struggle.

3. Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo

4. Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?

5. TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT